Blondes Are Retarded

As an accomplished scientist I like to do science things and that includes extensive research on anything. In my latest project I’ve been researching the correlation between hair color and intelligence. I decided to use this post to share my results with you.Look at this ultra-scientific graph:Interestingly enough bleach blondes fell into the lowest IQ category with other natural blondes. This intriguing result made me focus on finding the reasons for blonde stupidity.Here are some of my hypotheses:I have the strangest suspicion that blondes are more susceptible to the effects of drugs and alcohol (see bellow):Courtney LoveSpeaking of Courtney Love…she has been looking a lot younger lately. Here’s a picture of her from this past Halloween:…And no, she wasn’t wearing her costume yet.I also have reason to believe that blondes actually excel at being the lowest common denominator. Case in point, Heidi Montag.BrideZillaNot only does Heidi have a reoccurring spot on the Hills, but she has managed to make a career out of a repertoire of blank stares and vague sex tape rumors. This should be investigated further.Another thing that blondes excel at is inheriting family fortunes. It is hard to believe, given my previous research, that blondes can even function let alone be millionaires but some actually do:ParisThat’s right! No one has worked harder or more diligently to inherit a fortune than Paris Hilton. By “diligently” I mean her mom gave birth to her. This all seems to be a contradiction, but then again who said you have to be smart to be rich?I also suspect that excessive exposure to ultraviolet rays from the sun causes brain damage and the clear blonde hair does little to stop the sun’s rays. Compounding this effect, pollution has been opening up the ozone layer letting harmful uv rays in. This no doubt has contributed to the world wide blonde epidemic of stupid:Anna NicoleApparently, scientists recently discovered an enormous ozone hole that completely covers Anna Nicole’s swimming pool area. And to think…it might have had something to do with the Trim Spa! What, too early?In short, I have several theories about the blonde intelligence crisis, but I have yet to find a specific answer. Research continues…here’s a video I found while working on my study:Is Europe a country? Dumb. This is why we should never take the option of forced hysterectomies off the table.


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