Monthly Archives: November 2007

stat-watch, AK-47 edition

Andrei Kirilenko earned his nickname tonight, narrowly missing a 5×5. Here’s how close he got:

Kirilenko: 20 pts, 11 rebs, 11ast, 6 stl, 4 blk

0 turnovers in 40 minutes just happens to be icing on the cake.

ps. dwight howard just breathed on a 30×30. the man is a beast.

boxscore

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in honor of the big game tomorrow,

here’s a little video of UCLA’s annual car smash.

there are only two ways to watch this:
1. without sound, its kind of funny.
2. with sound, it fluctuates between cheesy and sad.

choose wisely.



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Blondes Are Retarded

As an accomplished scientist I like to do science things and that includes extensive research on anything. In my latest project I’ve been researching the correlation between hair color and intelligence. I decided to use this post to share my results with you.Look at this ultra-scientific graph:Interestingly enough bleach blondes fell into the lowest IQ category with other natural blondes. This intriguing result made me focus on finding the reasons for blonde stupidity.Here are some of my hypotheses:I have the strangest suspicion that blondes are more susceptible to the effects of drugs and alcohol (see bellow):Courtney LoveSpeaking of Courtney Love…she has been looking a lot younger lately. Here’s a picture of her from this past Halloween:…And no, she wasn’t wearing her costume yet.I also have reason to believe that blondes actually excel at being the lowest common denominator. Case in point, Heidi Montag.BrideZillaNot only does Heidi have a reoccurring spot on the Hills, but she has managed to make a career out of a repertoire of blank stares and vague sex tape rumors. This should be investigated further.Another thing that blondes excel at is inheriting family fortunes. It is hard to believe, given my previous research, that blondes can even function let alone be millionaires but some actually do:ParisThat’s right! No one has worked harder or more diligently to inherit a fortune than Paris Hilton. By “diligently” I mean her mom gave birth to her. This all seems to be a contradiction, but then again who said you have to be smart to be rich?I also suspect that excessive exposure to ultraviolet rays from the sun causes brain damage and the clear blonde hair does little to stop the sun’s rays. Compounding this effect, pollution has been opening up the ozone layer letting harmful uv rays in. This no doubt has contributed to the world wide blonde epidemic of stupid:Anna NicoleApparently, scientists recently discovered an enormous ozone hole that completely covers Anna Nicole’s swimming pool area. And to think…it might have had something to do with the Trim Spa! What, too early?In short, I have several theories about the blonde intelligence crisis, but I have yet to find a specific answer. Research continues…here’s a video I found while working on my study:Is Europe a country? Dumb. This is why we should never take the option of forced hysterectomies off the table.

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nba stat-watch

My favorite basketball statistic is the five by five: five points, blocks, steals, assists, and rebounds on any given night.

The feat is incredibly rare. Since 1995, the 5×5 has only been reached 6 times, with Andrei Kirilenko reaching it three times, and twice in a week during the 2003 season.

So…during the course of the NBA season, I’ll be keeping a stat watch on the 5×5 and updating the blog if it occurs or whenever a player comes close.

Tonight, it was Josh Smith of Atlanta (my favorite to reach the mark first) and Shawn Marion of Phoenix who came the closest…

Smith: 10 points, 8 rebounds, 7 assists, 3 steals, 5 blocks
Marion: 18 points, 9 rebounds, 4 assists, 5 steals, 4 blocks

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snoop dogg: 1 quarter man, three quarters amazing.

rick james meets chromeo:

[kml_flashembed movie="http://www.dailymotion.com/swf/4pybaUGgIuMtZptsB" width="425" height="335" wmode="transparent" /]

a sense of humor plus a sense of history made for a fantastic video and song.

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i’ve never been so okay with a mature man watching such terrible television…

Per Chris Matthews (and he yells it, so you know its true):

John McCain’s favorite show is Prison Break. How amazing is that!

ps. I think I can guess what Mike Huckabee’s favorite show is, too.

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Chris March: responsible for one of the greatest moments in modern history?

I’m not sure how, but I ended up on Chris March’s Project Runway page. Proof positive that anything can happen when you’re procrastinating.

Anyways, I saw this: “He also created a lavishly “be-dazzled” limited edition jar of Vaseline.” This picture was included:

I instantly flashed back to what is most likely a top-ten YouTube moment. Tyra Banks, in all her raging psychotic glory, bestowing jewel-encrusted bottles of vaseline upon her audience.

I don’t care what happens to him on Project Runway – between the Hawaiian shirts and his this, he’s a shoe-in for Person of the Year.

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